Sleepless in Seattle: Abridged

If she weren't Meg Ryan, you'd have to get a restraining order. But she's Meg Ryan. The end.

See it? Not that you would admit to having it on DVD or anything, but you watch when it's on TV for Christmas. Come on. It's a classic. A-

Signs: Abridged

Aliens target agnostics, a lawn gets a mohawk, and your eccentric hat collection finally comes in handy. The end.

See it? When you've been reading New York Times articles about how much corn is in all of your food and just want to stick it to the farmers. B.

The Sixth Sense: Abridged

In this heartwarming tale about a boy and his ghost, young Cole learns that ghosts are people too, his mother learns not to take housekeeping so seriously, and Mischa Barton brings her bulimia out of the closet and onto the screen. The end.

See it? Sure. It'll make you afraid of the color red. A

When Harry Met Sally: Abridged

Men and women can't be friends. Except... they can. Wait... no they can't. Now I'm just confused.

See it? With a friend... or... a whatever.

Silence of the Lambs: Abridged

The butch cop becomes the ultimate fag hag, the transvestite gets a makeover, and the little dog is terrorized by a fat girl, and everyone lives happily ever after. The end.

See it? On a rainy afternoon. A+

It's a Wonderful Life: Abridged

This guy has a bad day and is going to kill himself, but then he doesn't... because of Christmas. The end.

See it? Every year! A