Heifertorial: The Rich Could Take Over The World!

A recent article in the Bible - I mean The New York Times - revealed the shocking fact that many recent immigrants to the United States are educated and wealthy. Now, I don't know a lot about "educated wealthy" people, but I'm inclined to be suspicious of this group. On many occasions, I have personally observed them shopping, traveling, using pronouns correctly, buying netbooks, and various other sordid activities. Furthermore, they pay far too much for recycled stationery, which, any fool knows, is just old stationery and cuts down on our national use of vellum. Add to these, the fact that educated wealthy people are good at stuff, and you see how much of a drain they are on our economy.

Some might argue that educated wealthy people are an asset to our country because they bring perspective, insight, culture, skill, money, and taste, but I submit that our country has gotten along well enough for hundreds of years without any of the above. Furthermore, they they could pose a threat to our treasured customary laziness. If we let them in, we could easily find ourselves in a situation where not only do 5% of the population have 90% of the wealth, but the 5% with the money will spend it on things like smartcars and universities instead of on satellite dishes and unnecessary plastic objects. Even worse, we could soon discover that educated, wealthy people will snap up all of the power. They'll give jobs only to other educated wealthy people, and they'll use their money and learning to make more money and learning. We would wind up like Switzerland! We must sit up and take note! We must defend our reality-show legacy from the threat of educated wealthy people! Aux armes!